Let’s Play!
If I had my career to do over again, I’d probably become an Occupational Therapist.
If you had asked me at 18 when I was in college, I wouldn’t have had a clue what an Occupational Therapist did. But after seeing the results in action, I’m all over identifying sensory issues as a root cause of behaviors or how fine motor skill weakness can later contribute to adult daily living difficulties. Seriously, I think I would have been pretty good at it. As a matter of fact, I raised my oldest daughter to become one.
When my youngest son was diagnosed with autism at two years old in 2003 everyone told me that he needed speech therapy, so we started First Steps. And then, like every parent of a newly diagnosed child with autism, I started to read everything I could find related to autism. Lucky for me I found the book The Out of Sync Child by Carol Stock Kranowitz shortly after my son’s diagnosis. It’s a book about Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) and although SPD is it’s own separate diagnosis, most individuals affected by autism also have sensory issues. In fact, I’ve never met a someone with autism that does not deal with some type of sensory issue. This book was LIFE CHANGING. It was the book that explained EVERYTHING about my son and all his little quirks. Why does he tip toe walk? Why does he line up cars in the hallway? Why does he run away from me in the store? Why does he chew on his clothes? Why does he scream when he gets his hair cut? I read the book in two days and when the speech therapist came to the house the following week, I asked her how I could get Occupational Therapy right away!
My son met with an Occupational Therapist 1-2 times a week from the time he was 2-18 years old. For us, Occupational Therapy was a god send! All of our therapists over the years were very helpful and willing to teach me how to interact with my child more effectively so that we could be working on skills at home when he wasn’t at therapy. We needed all the skills, regardless of where he was working on them, to cross over into the all the settings- home, school, therapy and community. Multi-step tasks were broken down into smaller, more repetitive steps. Intentional exposure to different smells, textures and giving him more variety of sensory inputs- called a sensory diet, my son was able to regulate better and then could attend to tasks longer. Your Occupational Therapist can help you identify if a sensory diet is right for your child and what you should include. Years of having a “death grip” on my son’s hand while grocery shopping because of running concerns eventually became him voluntarily placing his hand on the cart without me holding on. Years of chewing on t-shirts transitioned into appropriately chewing gum to provide oral input and decrease anxiety. Because we better understood the reasons why our son was acting the way he did, we could better manage when difficult situations arose. We could recognize the signs before the meltdown and make adjustments to prevent it. My husband and I did a lot of tag-team parenting when he was young. Some situations were just too much, so one of us would go someplace near by that was quieter and play one-on-one, while the other was with our daughter during the activity. It was challenging for everyone, but the more we worked, the better it got!
We learned a lot from our therapists over the years, but perhaps the most important lesson was, although 4+5=9
so does 3+6
and 2+7
In other words, your way isn’t the only way or the best way. It’s just your way.
I’m going to insert a word of caution here. Make sure your way results in an answer that can be implemented across the lifespan. I remember one day years ago. I was grocery shopping with my son and we ran into one his older classmates. The child who was around 11 years old was sitting inside a grocery cart to keep him from running away. My son recognized him and wanted to stop and say “Hi”. I visited with dad for a few moments and we walked on. I remember thinking afterwards, “well that solution works, until he’s too big for the cart, then what?” For individuals on the autism spectrum, repetition and routine are key. And changing long standing routines is very difficult, so make sure what your teaching your child, is appropriate not only at age 4 , but also at 8, 18 and even 68, when you are gone. I remember how proud my son was when he learned how to fold towels. I also remember watching and thinking, but “that’s not how I fold my towels”. Then I thought about it for a moment. So what! The towels are folded and I didn’t have to do it. Sometimes the person who needs to change is you!
So how does this relate to play? Take it from me, your child on the spectrum needs more play and your therapist, it they’re good, already knows that. Therapy is hard work and the key to getting someone to do something that is hard and they don’t want to do is to create ways to work on those skills that don’t look like work. For example- getting a child to have better handwriting can either involve getting the child to sit down and do page after page or writing worksheets OR it can be getting the child to take apart and put together Lego blocks or dressing/undressing a Barbie. Which one do you think you could get your child to do for 15-30 minutes a day without complaint? Guess what happens when your child works more on hand strengthening and fine motor skills? When they are in therapy and they have to do the writing worksheet, they are better at it, because you spent some time outside of therapy working on those skills, and from your kids perspective, it wasn’t work, it was play. Crafts with cutting and gluing, puzzles, playdoh, painting, Lego’s, playing Barbie’s, coloring books, making mud pies, water play, board and card games are just a few of the opportunities you can use to help your child learn to problem solve but also with their therapy goals. Because if the only person working on those goals is your child’s therapist, it will never be enough to get them where they need to be. Also remember that mistakes are okay. Mistakes are how we all learn. We’re not after perfection, we are working on what your child can do on his/her own so every attempt is great regardless of the outcome. Perfection comes later- after lots of practice.
Think about how much time your child spends watching TV or swiping at a screen. Their playtime and chores should total MUCH MORE time than the amount of time they spend in front of a screen. Yes, I mention chores here too. Chores are a part of living. No one gets through life without doing chores, so you aren’t doing your child any favors by exempting them. Your child is learning problem solving, self reliance, how to be part of a team to accomplish a larger goal and other fine/gross motor skills with age appropriate chores. Start small and build more when they are able; putting away toys, unloading the dishwasher, pushing the full laundry basket to the laundry room to name a few. Many times chores can be used as “heavy work” and can be a part of their sensory diet, especially as they get older. Swiping at a screen is not the same as turning a page in an actual book. Tracing on a screen is not the same as coloring with a crayon or drawing with a pencil. Screen time doesn’t build the fine motor skills needed for everyday daily living! And now you know what does- play.
So get crafty. Make the mess. Make the memories. And the next time your child says “Let’s Play!” make sure your answer is YES!