Change the Things You Can
I’m writing this on Thursday, November 5th and we “fell back” an hour on Sunday because of Daylight Savings Time. The night before, was Halloween and also a full moon. I know from talking with a lot of other parents, therapists and educators that the full moon cycles or big sudden swings in the barometric pressure can be very challenging for some of our kiddos on the spectrum. For my son, it’s the time change.
You see, my son is always counting. ALWAYS. There was a time when he was younger that I could only turn off the car when the car clock turned immediately to the next minute. When I asked him how many seconds, he could tell me- exactly! Many years have passed since he displayed that behavior, but he’s still very fixated on time. Meals have to happen at the same time, everyday. Bedtime has to happen at the same time. So when we “fall back” or “spring forward” we lose sleep, our anxiety ramps up, and it can take us several days to readjust. In his world, hours are not supposed to just be added in or disappear. Numbers don’t lie. Numbers provide structure, routine and order from chaos. They tell him where to go and what’s going to happen next. What bus I ride. What door I enter. When the school day starts. What time I have therapy. What time I need to be at my volunteer job. The same can probably be said for all of us. Think about all the ways numbers inform you or motivate you. What time do I need to be at work? How much time is left in the game? What time do I have to pick up the kids?
The comfort that routine brings to each of us varies, but for those on the autism spectrum it’s a lot. When your ability to understand the world around you is impaired, the more dependable everyday life is, the better. For example, when you can’t go to school in person or go see your friends as often as you’d like because of a pandemic, the more structure that’s in place elsewhere in your life makes things easier.
With everything that’s been going on in my life lately, I’ve been trying keep in the front of my mind an adaptation of the Serenity Prayer. Accept the things I can’t change. Change the things I can. Know the difference between the two. Accepting change is hard. It takes time but gradually it becomes the new becomes normal, because we have no choice. What’s more difficult is changing the things you can change. Maybe we’re unsure what changes to make. Perhaps it seems too difficult or we’re afraid of what might happen after. Often this results in putting off the changes even though we know we shouldn’t. But know this- you are making a decision, by not making a decision. Regardless of what issues you are dealing with now, they do not get better by doing nothing, instead they get a whole lot worse. Do not let your inaction write your child’s story! Get that diagnosis. Fill out the paperwork. Find the resources that will help- they exist.
Your child is depending on you. If you don’t know where to start, contact us at My Autism Ally. That’s what we do, help connect you to the services you need. As parents we’ve been where you are and know how it feels- no judgement, just encouragement.