Thank You Siblings!
Friday, April 10th was National Siblings Day. I guess better late than never….
Sometimes we as parents get so consumed by the needs of our child with autism, that it appears to the other children in the family that we don’t care as much for their needs. As a parent of 2 children, one with autism, I know that I had to be intentional about spending time with my “typical” daughter when she was younger and our schedule was consumed with therapy for our son.
Tag-team parenting is pretty common with families affected by autism. One parent goes with the “typical” child, while the someone else goes with the the child affected by autism. This work well, to a point. One the things I struggled with while my children were growing up was how we created “whole” family memories and not just “partial” family ones. I think we succeed at this; my daughter isn’t angry at her brother and in fact works with individuals affected by disability as a career.
One of the things I credit to that is Sibshops https://www.siblingsupport.org/about-sibshops
Find one in your area. If you live near Fort Wayne, check out our support group page for the information regarding our Sibshops. If you don’t have one, create one for your community. Kids need to be able to see that they’re not alone with having a sibling that has special needs. In case you haven’t thought about it much, one day you-the parent will die. This makes the sibling relationship the LONGEST RELATIONSHIP YOUR CHILD WITH AUTISM WILL HAVE.
Perhaps the sibling will be taking over in some capacity after your gone.
What financial resources will they have?- yep, that’s a future blog post….
What does that sibling relationship look like?
Is it positive?
Maybe it’s not so positive, so let’s figure out how to work on that, while we’re still living.
Because of COVID-19, I’m writing this today from the comfort of my home and the last day my son physically went to school was a month ago. Indiana is done with in person classes for the year and it will be interesting to see how school starts back up in the fall. Social distancing is the new thing, and probably will be for quite some time, so finding resources you can access online is best. I’m also going to recommend the Sibling Leadership Network. Here is a link to the groups for siblings of various ages. https://www.siblingsupport.org/connect-with-others-sibs/meeting_other_sibs_online/meeting-other-sibs-online
I know that I just added something else for you to think about in an already overwhelming time, but perhaps you can use this quarantine time to better the relationship between your typical and autism siblings. Let’s face it, everyone is in the same boat as far as school is concerned and trying to do more than ever before. So remember to stress relationships over everything else. You can’t be a teacher, keep up with housework/chores, keep up with therapies, and work from home all at the same time. Something has to give and don’t let it be your sanity! It’s too much and that’s why it’s so hard. You were never suppose to do it all to begin with.
So, before you yell about not having help, teach them to help one another. Sure, it may take more time at first, but the time it frees up later is the key- think about this from the “when I’m old and gray perspective”. You are trying to make your child with autism the most independent they can be, and this takes time and repetition, so let those siblings have the opportunity to help. Build these relationship with activities. Let your typical child help teach their sibling when it’s appropriate. Sometimes the siblings are more able to get them to try something new or different, so let them try. Because at the end of the day, your loved one with autism is just like everyone else- and saying “no” to mom or dad is a typical kid thing. Not every behavior is because of their autism- see rolling teenager eyes.
Let your children remember this quarantine time with memories that they made together. Maybe they cooked dinner once a week, helped with the laundry, played in the rain, played board or video games, picked flowers, helped in the garden or walked the dog. The possibilities are endless and completely up to you! Allow them the opportunity to make memories together, something they can look back on this quarantine time when they’re older and after you’re gone and say “Yeah, it was tough, but it was fun!”