“People like him shouldn’t be allowed to work here!” - Why every month is autism acceptance month.
It’s Susan and fair warning- I’ve ranted, wrote, swore and edited this blog post several times over the last several weeks - mostly because it’s just so damn painful. You would think that after 18+ years in the disability field I’d have my emotions in check about something like this. I guess the answer is “No” to that question. Normally I’d just rant to a couple of friends about this and then stew about it for a while. But, sharing our stories helps encourage other families that are struggling and makes autism acceptance happen. And Lord knows there is a woman out there that desperately needs to learn some autism acceptance!
If you’ve followed the blog and/or the podcast you already know that I have a 20 year old son on the autism spectrum. He needs significant supports and is also selectively mute at times, but he has some outstanding qualities and gifts to share with the community. He volunteers at a local library and shelves books. He prefers non-fiction books because he likes anything that is number oriented, so naturally the Dewey Decimal System and him get along quite famously. He’s good at shelving books and rarely makes mistakes. What we work on in our volunteer job is interactions with the library staff and the general public. Part of that work is letting him navigate the library in a slightly more independent fashion - not having the job coach standing right next to him, prompting- but watching from a distance. This way we can observe and note the things that need more work. Is he pushing the book cart too quickly? Not usually. Does he respond to staff and patrons when spoken to? - Sometimes, not always. Does he initiate conversation when he needs assistance? - Rarely, but he’s getting better.
One day he was walking back to the sorting area of the library with his empty book cart, at a normal pace when a library patron stepped in front of his book cart and asked him a question. He swerved around her and kept walking. The response itself didn’t surprise me. Naturally, she got upset and went to find another staff member and complained. The staff informed her that he had autism and proceeded to assist her. Then she shared, “People like him shouldn’t be allowed to work here!”
When the manager told me what had happened several days later, she was upset. She had tears in her eyes when she told me and I can remember comforting her and telling her that it was okay, and that unfortunately there are still people that are not sympathetic to others’ challenges . She has known our family since my children were little. She has watched my son grow from a very active toddler to the fun loving young man he is today and I felt horrible for her.
Later that evening, when I was alone and had some time to process things, the patron’s quote rang in my head - “People like him shouldn’t be allowed to work here!” My heart hurt. I was angry. Has anything I’ve done in the disability community for 18+ years made a @#$% difference? I know it has, but I was having my own little pity party at that moment. It’s probably good that I didn’t have the ability to talk to that patron face to face that evening, but now several weeks have passed since the event happened, I’d like to share what I would say to her today if given the chance. Perhaps if I’m fortunate, she will see this.
When you stepped in front of him as he was pushing the book cart, he had to use all of his focus to avoid hitting you. Many people with autism can only focus on one sense at a time and this was a good example. He needed to focus on where his body and the cart was in space and where that was in relation to you- a moving target. Therefore, he was not listening to you speak at all.
I know that your feelings were hurt and although I am sorry that you felt that way, that was not his intention.
My son has difficulty with expressive communication. But he understands what’s being spoken to him and about him. My prayer is that he was far enough away that he did not hear you announce to everyone within earshot - “People like him shouldn’t be allowed to work here!”
Today, 1:56 children in Indiana are diagnosed with autism compared to the 1:150 when my son was diagnosed 18 years ago. So “people like him” are going to be increasing in number. You will see them- male and female, everywhere you go. They will be a vibrant part of our community and integral part of the workforce for many years to come.
Individuals with autism interpret the world differently and we as a community are better for it. Thank goodness, for the world would be quite the boring place if we all learned, thought and performed our jobs in the exact same way.
Dear reader, I hope this post is an encouraging one for you. Whether you are autistic yourself or you love someone on the autism spectrum, you know that every day of every month of every year we are continually advocating. We have the right to exist in any space. Those we love have the right to be different. So what if we are different? It does not make us less. It doesn’t matter if you have been fighting for only a few months or many, many years, there is always going to be more work to be done. Together we work towards a future where our differences will be celebrated and appreciated by all. And that is what this tired autism mom needed to remember that evening.