LOVE needs NO WORDS
One of the things a parent always remembers is the sound of their child’s voice saying “I love you!” I remember my daughter saying it all the time when she was little. Once she started talking, she could talk your ear off. She still can. She takes after her mother that way.
Also just as memorable, the deafening silence when my son never spoke those same words. At two years old, he could recite the alphabet, count from 1-20 and repeat word for word his favorite bedtime stories. But he didn’t say “Mommy” or “Daddy”. He didn’t ask for a drink or a snack. He didn’t ask for a story. He didn’t say “I love you”.
At bedtime;
Me: “Goodnight Matthew, I love you”
Matthew: silence
We would read a story;
Me: “Mommy loves you. Do you love mommy"?”
Matthew: silence
We got his autism diagnosis at 30 months.
Months and years of therapy pass. The same scenario above continues to play itself over and over along with new ones.
Putting him on the school bus;
Me: “Goodbye Matthew, I love you. Have fun at school.”
Matthew: silence
And then one day when he was 8 years old, it happened. One evening when I was putting him to bed. The words that most parents take for granted finally came.
“I love you.”
I stopped. Tears filled my eyes. I knew how significant of a moment this was. The words I so longed to hear from my son finally came. I walked back into the bedroom and gave him another kiss, thanking God for the gift I was just given, the gift of those 3 little words.
But not everyone receives this gift. Many families in our autism community are living out their lives in a similar way. Their child may only speak single words or pre-scripted phrases. Their child may be older than 8. Some are still waiting for words that may never come. For our family, fast forward 10+ years and he’s still mostly silent. But he has a smile that lights up a room and an infectious laugh, so we know he understands what’s being spoken around him. When he’s upset or hurt, he’s more likely to pace or squeal instead of telling me what’s wrong. It’s not that he isn’t communicating, instead, we as a family have learned to look and listen for as well as understand his non verbal communication.
Did you know?
40% of autistics are non-verbal.
Lack of speech is an early warning sign of possible autism in children.
Impaired communication skills can follow autistics throughout their lifetime.
The majority of our communication is non-verbal;
55% through body language
38% through vocal tone
7% through verbal content
Only 7% of our communication is verbal, but oh how difficult life can be if you are someone who lacks that ability.
This February we challenge you to take our Love needs NO WORDS Challenge. Sometime during the month of February we challenge you to dedicate AN AMOUNT OF TIME OF YOUR CHOOSING to experience what it is like to live as someone who is non-verbal autistic. We hope you challenge others to participate as well. Tag them on social media, encourage your family, friends and co-workers to participate in the challenge with you.
Our hope for this challenge is two fold.
First and foremost- AUTISM ACCEPTANCE. Too many people when they think of autism think of TV and movie characters as an accurate representation of those who live with autism. Too many of those Hollywood representations are of individuals who are verbal and maybe just a little quirky. Our NO WORDS challenge will give you insight into the difficulties autistics face every day of their lives- you know the 40% who are non-verbal. Let me just tell you up front, it’s going to be more difficult that you expect.
Second, it is a fundraiser for My Autism Ally. We hope you take a moment to look around our website and see all of the things we do for our local autism community- things that your donations fund. Things like events, support groups and one on one consultations- all of which are FREE to clients.
We have provided tools for you to download and use during your “NO WORDS challenge. This allows you to share with others why you are not talking, inviting them to participate and also donate if so inclined https://www.myautismally.org/no-words-challenge A Facebook fundraiser is also an option. Feel free to tag us or put the website link in your post letting people know why you are taking the challenge. Again the main purpose of this challenge is to spread AUTISM ACCEPTANCE!
We hope that while you are participating in the challenge that you document your experience in some way- social media posts, video, or in writing- we have a blog section and take submissions - hint, hint. Feel free to tag us on social media and share your thoughts about the challenge as well.
Regardless of when or how long you participate in the challenge, we hope that you walk away with the understanding that for a large percentage of our autism population, LOVE needs NO WORDS.