Back to School List
Hello Blog, Susan here.
I recently ran across a Facebook post that went into great detail about the “fears” an autism parent has about sending their child to school. It had lots of like and comments from parents - the type of attention that drives bloggers to create more content, raising their hopes of becoming an internet sensation or a book author. Don’t get me wrong, it was a heart wrenching list, full of concerns about being around strangers who didn’t understand them, fear of not making friends or being bullied, fear of their child being reliant on strangers. It was written from the perspective of a parent that was just beginning their autism journey. And many of you that are reading this may be at that same place as well. But really, most of that “list of fears” could be applied to every child, not just those with autism.
So today I’m writing because I want you to have a different back to school list. Written from the perspective of a parent that has travelled further along this autism journey. In fact, this August marks the beginning of our last year of school. In Indiana, kids receiving special education services have the option to continue receiving services through their local public school through the school year of their 22nd birthday. Why are we keeping our son in school so long? Because for our child, school is the place where lots of wonderful things happen for him. And I thank God everyday for the wonderful team of teachers, therapists, administrators, aides, bus drivers, cafeteria workers, recess monitors, maintenance staff and school board members over the years that were a part of helping him make him successful. Yes, it was scary day putting my 3 year old on a school bus for the first time. I cried for almost an hour after he left. But I’m thankful I did. When he came home that day, he was smiling from ear to ear. Bus rides became one of his favorite things- he just loves all that proprioceptive input. If I had gave into fear, he wouldn’t be the unique, funny, caring person he is today. He’s learned so much that can’t be measured on standardized tests. And at the end of the day, these things that can’t be measured are just as important as the academics.
Learning independence in a safe and supported setting.
Learning how to ride a bike- I smile when I remember this of this day and think of a particular custodian that was instrumental in making this happen.
Giving him space for his personality and sense of humor to blossom.
Teaching organizational skills and self-reliance.
The multiple opportunities to make friends. When we go anywhere in the community, people come up to us and say “Hello” to our son, and then share their story about how they know him. It’s awesome :)
Giving him the opportunity to learn from mistakes.
Learning life skills from peers.
The ability to accept change and becoming more flexible.
How to be safe in difficult situations.
Loss is a part of life. Friends move away and sometimes they die.
Good things can happen when you break out of your comfort zone.
Natural consequences are a thing. Your disability may allow you accommodations, but it doesn’t free you from responsibility.
Understanding the value of a job well done. This will lead to meaningful volunteer work and/or employment as an adult.
Success looks different for everyone.
I’m not naïve, not every child has a wonderful school experience. I can remember a year or two where our own child’s school day was not going as well as I felt it could. But that doesn’t mean you worry and complain. It means you roll up your sleeves, learn to advocate and be an active partner in your child’s education. How you ask? Read on.
Make sure you are doing the things at home that lead to success elsewhere. Are you making sure that your child’s diet is adequate? Are they getting enough sleep? Are they getting enough physical activity? Are you playing with them- not just giving them a device to occupy their time? Don’t forget, they are learning social skills, fine motor skills and so much more when they are playing. Are you reading to them? Are you obtaining outside services for their disability/mental health/physical health needs? If you aren’t doing these things, then you need to figure out how you’re going to make this a priority. Your child’s success depends on it!
Figure out ways to be a part of your child’s educational experience. I was fortunate to be able to work in the school where my son attended for several years. I could give him a small wave and walk on by. I know there were times when I got ignored or the “eye roll” but I’m sure there were times when it was encouraging for him. You don’t have to work for the school to make this happen. Empty the book bag and respond to the teacher’s notes and emails. Stop by and have lunch with your child once in a while. Volunteer for the field trip. Go to the book fair. Go to back to school night. Volunteer to help with afterschool sports or activities that your kids are involved in. An involved parent is an informed parent and an informed parent has fewer fears about what’s going on when their child is at school. Not only do you have fewer fears, but your experience and knowledge will be helpful when it comes time for those IEP meetings. It other words, it’s going to make you a better advocate for your child!
Be a team player. Whether your realize it or not, you’re part of a team. A team that includes yourself, teachers, therapists and other professionals. Ask them questions and get their suggestions for things that you can do to help your child. Myself, I was always curious about my team member’s “Why story”. When you learn why someone decided to become a teacher or therapist for example, you can better understand their perspective. Develop respectful relationships with all of the members of your team and be open to learning from their knowledge and expertise. I know sometimes this can be difficult, but as the saying goes, “You get more flies with honey than with vinegar” -although we joke that a fly swatter may be more effective. You won’t always agree with the team, and that’s okay. Yes, there are times to bring out “Mama Bear” but there are times to keep her in check and listen. Listening to other points of view helps you see the whole situation more clearly. Keep in mind it is possible for two points of view to be true at the same time. For example, your child’s handwriting can be illegible and they no longer qualify for direct intervention services. If the child demonstrates they can write legibly, but chooses not to, that is their choice. In this day and age, illegible handwriting isn’t going to stop anyone from being successful- ask your pediatrician to sign something, you’ll see what I mean.
My goal with this blog post is simple. I hope it encourages you to look at your child’s education differently. Parents spend a lot of time worrying about their child’s academics-as they should. But remember, academics is just one part of raising children- autistic or not. Success can’t be adequately measured by test scores. So keep your eyes on the end goal- raising the most independent, successful autistic adult you can- whatever that looks like for your child. Look beyond the academics and think about what skills are needed for them to live without you.
I hope this school year bring your child great success- whatever success look like for you.